To Live In Film

One of my down falls is when times get hard or sometimes after a fight with my hubby or just when I feel the need to get away....I find a movie, slip it in the DVD player and drift away. I have always been this way...I have always gotten lost in a book or a movie. One of my favorites is,"Under the Tuscan Sun" but I have a second one now, "Must Love Dogs". Both have Diane Lane and both are about a woman who is divorced or divorcing. Most importantly though they are about finding yourself and starting life a new. I am in desperate need of a Fresh start....no I do not want to leave my husband, but sometimes you get so caught up in what is at hand you forget who you are...where you were once headed....you forget your dreams. I have to admit I traded allmy dreams in long ago and resided in the "Mommie" role. Since then I have had many twists and turns in my life and I am just a glimpse of who I once was. I am nothing of what I would like to be...But in a crazy way, I am thankful for all that I have and all that I have went through. I used to be a scared niave little girl who had no clue about life, Now I am a bit more weary of people in general, Hard...yes I am a bit of a hard person.....life jaded me a bit that way...but I do have my soft points and my kids know them all. I hold my emotions up to the point I'm not even sure how I feel. Yes, I have ulcers from this fact. I am currently trying to find my way back to GOD and it clashes with the "Hard" part of me. I find my self constantly praying that God would help me keep my tongue in my head, after being extremely frustrated one day I added to that pray, " And please Lord Help me do this by keeping all evil and mean thoughts out of my head" Immediately I was frightened I may never have another thought again and become a vegetable. The "hard" part of me is resisting being nice....
Changes in my life have always come suddenly or soo slow I was never aware. We have been dealt a change of hands lately and I have found myself lost in movies more of late. It is where I dreamed of who I would be as a little girl, so I revisit often in hopes of getting another glimpse. If needed you can find me in a villa somewhere in Tuscany.