Off The Wagon

24 hrs. and no phone call. Scared out of my mind. Horrible images going through my brain every 2 seconds that I tried desperately to push them to the back. Prayed and prayed this would not be the last time I seen you walk out the door. I am suppose to out live you, not the other way around. More gray hairs have staked out a new home upoon my head. What am I to do? It is so hard watching you fall. I try and catch you, try to guide you, but you push me away.

you stumble in at 7:30 am, smell like you went swimming in a pool of alcohol. Tears come to my eyes, I'm thankful you are alive. Angry you are drunk again. Thankful you are alive. Scared, I don't know how to help you. Angry, cause I don't know how to help you. How can a person who is so strong, so determined, so smart, so beautiful, be so weak? My fault...HIS fault. I hate him all over again. Want to track him down and put pain in his life. I want him to hurt, hurt so bad he begs for the mercy of death, but I won't give it to him...nope...I want him to hurt as long as she hurts..longer...I want him to hurt more.

She's off the wagon now...what lies ahead? Will she climb back on? Is this going to be a long stint off the wagon? GOD give me the strength to get through this. God, I beg you, please hear my cries and have mercy, protect her Lord. I can't do this, I can't watch her drowned. I beg you Lord, take me, not her....punish me, not her.....Please heal her Lord. I can't watch her go through this again.....